1997: directed by Sophie Muller

Good ol' Sophie's back at it again, this time with a whole new gruesome carpet that covers the floor AND the walls. Where does Blur get these extraordinary carpets? They're far out! They induce headaches!

The video opens with Dave in a black T-shirt, seated at his kit. Without further ado he begins ticking out the rump-shaking rhythm of Blur's only U.S. hit. Behind Dave against the wall is a big-ass amp, with a paper cup (with straws sticking out the top of it?) and an anglepoise lamp with a zillion-watt bulb. Dave is deadly serious. It's his beat, and he's on the task. His well-worn Doc Martens stamp on the bass drum pedal.

Graham comes in then, standing in nondescript gray T-shirt, cuffed jeans, and Airwalk trainers. Damon, in gray Mickey Mouse T-shirt (the same one he was wearing when the Author saw Blur live in 1997) clutches the microphone and glances a little wickedly to the side. At once he explodes at us - "WOO-OO!" Graham, leaping from what looks like three feet in the air, comes down hard with the riff. He is channeling Kurt Cobain so hard you can probably see the track marks. Alex, however, is stony and cold as ice, in dark blue hoodie and peeved expression. He doesn't move one bit. "Let these other fools mess up their hair and risk injury," says Alex. "I'd rather just do the gig and get back to the pub." It doesn't stop Graham from jumping about or Dave from smashing at the snare and cymbals, his face absolutely lovely in its Zen concentration. The Author has a massive soft spot for drummers, and that expression is the one that has gotten her into trouble more than once.

In the "quiet bit" Damon twists his ankles around, Graham just riffs, and Alex does some sad attempt at a cute Tina Weymouth bass shimmy. Unfortunately, in his baggy jeans and trainers and his height, it just looks dumb. Damon likes getting in very close to the camera. Graham wears clear-plastic, oversized frames and it's just adorable. What is that on his shirt? Damon lurches forward with his mic stand.

Alex slams against the left wall. RAGE!

Damon screams in the dark, lit only a little bit with a harsh white spot that breaks up his face into grotesque and curious abstraction. YEAH!

Graham flies toward the corner, his face all blissed out...WOO-HOO!

Damon leaps at the wall and bounces off. It looks like it hurt. DESTROY!

Alex attempts to fight the magnetic pull of the wall, but like so many of us, the wall will not let him go quite so easily. Damon hits the wall again, but the frame is positioned so that it looks like he's bouncing off the floor. Dave bounces off the wall, then resumes playing. Maybe it happens to them all the time. Alex doesn't look at all used to the poltergeist, though - it picks him up and tosses him at the wall like a rag doll. OOF!

Damon bounces off the "floor" again. EXTREME!

Graham finally hits the corner. Whee! Ouch! Poor Graham! He ricochets around a couple of times and then comes back down. None of this seems to be causing him the least distress. What a brave little trouper.

Another quiet bit comes, and Damon can't help mocking the camera some more. "Do your worst, you demon spirits who live in the satanic carpet," Damon says. He doesn't really know what he's in for though, does he? When Graham stomps on that pedal, smoke begins pouring from the carpet. You fool! You've just unleashed the wrath of the evil dead! It takes the form of a gale-force wind, full of debris, that exposes to the world just how bad Damon Albarn's hair loss has gotten! Damon staggers against it, wind whipping up his sleeve and exposing his upper-arm tattoo. Here we are now! Entertain us! Graham is blown off his feet a little bit. Damon struggles to stay upright. A paper plate of doom hurtles toward Alex. The wind rips Graham's guitar from his grasp and sends it hurtling towards Dave's kit. "Oh, [shit] [yeah] [insert your own word here]," Damon finishes, a little worse for the wear, but several million pounds richer.

CUTE FACTOR: not good.
VIDEO QUALITY: Nutty! Wacky! Violent! Yeah!
FUCKED UP FACTOR: a few stiff drinks would help to avoid injury when flying about like that.
OVERALL GRADE: A