1991: directed by Dave Balfe 

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"Blur" in curly, indigo, Lumberton-ish script shows up. And then there's an earthworm on the grass. At least it's not an ear, eh? Some creepy little blond girls, wearing red, play catch on the lawn, mere inches away from the worm. Graham's opening chord swirls out of nowhere like a sudden thundershower, completely clashing with the visuals. A very creepy Damon watches the girls from the window of the house. The camera pans into the house, revealing that it isn't Damon at all, they've kidnapped Damon and replaced him with PETER TORK! And he's got a fat arse! You bastards!

The dining room table is set for dinner. Damon goes up to an All Purpose Mum and takes some soup plates to the table. All Purpose Mum bears an uncanny resemblance to Jennifer Saunders. I know that it's not, but she's having Blur over for dinner, so she must be doing something right.

Child prodigy Graham accepts his soup with that adorable cowering thing he does. Alex is just gorgeous. Growing out his hair was absolutely the right thing to do. It's at a length that's just gone past foppish. He's simply incandescent. He's probably tipsy. Dave has gone back in time and now looks about sixteen, and the epitome of ginger in his red shirt . TorkDamon continues to look awful, engaging the camera with that unhinged, unblinking stare, his eyelashes bumping against the bottom part of the fringe. People wonder why I'm afraid of him...

All Purpose Mum calls in the creepy girls, and they run in. "Oh great, Blur's finally shown up, we can eat!" Last but not least, All Purpose Dad emerges from the Black Lodge, his miraculous escape from the bizarro Lynchian underworld signalled by random strobe lights flashing. Respectfully, everyone stops what they're doing until the flashing stops. Ah yes, family dinner on acid! Everyone's around you talking and acting like everything's so normal, and all you can do is sing, clutch your head, and wonder why you've become Peter Tork.

Then, Damon grins at the camera, as if to remind the Viewer, "Yes, it's still me under the man-eating fringe, don't worry, I'll shake this Torken disease and be cute again someday!"

There's pie.

Everyone ravenously devours the grub. I guess the musicians are broke and haven't eaten in weeks.The table becomes a total mess. Remember that, if you ever have Blur over to dinner, put down a tablecloth. TorkDamon, sobering up all of a sudden, stops singing and takes a sip of water. Things seem quite normal for a while - the Blur lads eat enthusiastically - but then Mum busts out with this MAGNIFICENT PSYCHADELIC TRIFLE that seems ten feet wide and three deep and it's topped with an Everest of whipped cream and the jelly is jiggling like an opera singer with hay fever. Everyone at the table is amazed; apparently the soup was dosed. Graham smiles. Immediately, the apocalypse is declared; chaos reigns; there's chromakey; shit blows up.

And then we go back to the worm. Yes, very, very profound.

CUTE FACTOR: extremely high for everyone except Damon.
VIDEO QUALITY: good if you think of it as an homage to Blue Velvet; otherwise, it's dreadful
FUCKED UP FACTOR: likely
OVERALL GRADE: C-