Once upon a time I knew my name was absolutely unique. I'm not crazy about my name -- it's just one of those things about me that I could change, if I were really determined, like my fat ass; but much like my ass, I guess I am quite fond of it after all. Yes, everyone (except the Voices capability of Mac OS9) mispronounces it, not just the first time but repeatedly until I give up and let them call me "Juh-my-uh"; yes, it also begins with J, and thus I am cursed with the possibility that someone will call me "J.J."; yes, I have a one-woman party when I fit into size 10 pants. It's me. It's part of what makes me a singular, existentially-tormented individual.
And then I got this e-mail.
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hi my name is jemiah also I am 16 years old and am from Sydney Australia. I'd just like to say that I am now officially ashamed of my name having seen your picture and hate the fact that we share this in common. you are an ugly piece of shit and please if you can have your name changed legally so that I do not ever have to associate my name with you ever again! peace out ass wipe! jemiah- the good looking one |
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Immediately following was this reply.
hi jem
its me again-jemiah the one from sydney i really do apologise for the last email i sent to you, it was not meant for you but another jemiah i found on the net. i am really really sorry for the things i wrote to you, again i say it was not directed at you ata ll. merely a mouse mistake ( clicked on the wrong site).
sorry again
jemiah
p.s your a very talented writer i hope you keep it up
You will pardon me for tripping. All my life I've been the only Jemiah in the whole world. I knew that my user name would always be guaranteed; the only other people who share the name have it as their middle name, inspired by my parents and their nonsensical 70's decisions. Or so I thought! I became seized with the desire to find out where these others were -- that there were so many that a 16-year-old from Sydney felt the puckish need to talk trash! I got myself home and hit the Google, and found, to my combined delight and horror, that I am not alone in the universe. I share the name with a lot of incredibly uninteresing people (some of them dead, which is almost as bad as being a sorority girl). Here, for your "I thought she was the only one too" enjoyment, are the results of my search, my bloody carcass, if you will; the stripped pelt of a vastly expanded Internet.
Jemiah Aitch - some quite dull person in wisconsin who skydives
Quite a lot about Jemiah Aitch
Kabbalarians baby namer entry on the name for boys
Kabbalarians baby name entry on the name for girls
Jemiah the Analyzer! A Celestial superhero cyborg in the game Marvel Universe. A Quote: Celestials are total enigmas, whose physical powers my be equal or superior to the most powerful physical beings in the known universe. Also in German!
I will TOO destroy you! |
According to this chart, I was married to King Charles sometime around 1766 Jemiah Whittaker was a Delta Kappa in 1995 A comic that Jemiah Whittaker did -- Dan Clowes need not fear for the security of his job. But did he write it, ink it, or both? Jemiah Juarez wrote a senior project in Poli Sci at the University of California at Bakersfield Jevan Sinnock, a terribly clever person, named a character Jemiah in the fantasy short-story "A Single Touch". Check it out! (thanks for the updated link.) Hungry for photos? Here's one; I'm third from the left. Jemiah John Workman's geneology listing. No birth or death listing -- so it may well be the case that he was never born and never died. And he's tapping at your window... A racing dog (or racing something) named Bow Jemiah. "Determined run." Best name yet: Jemiah Dumaguing Partible! i'm changing my name to that! |
Jemiah Leek on the Dragon Hotel site. He recently sent me an update:"I am pursuing a doctorate in pharmacy at the University Of Wisconsin. Also, my name Jemiah (juh-my-ah) is Hebrew, meaning beautiful." Isn't that nice! No word yet on what the jacked-up pronunciation that I have means.
I don't know what this page is about, but it's sure spooky and culty. (And in malay or something.) Scroll halfway down the page to make the acquaintance of PN. Jemiah Dusa.
an excerpt from the guestbook of http://www.to-scorpio.com/: (I'm leaving addresses in because the person is plainly an asshole).
Name: Jemiah Fournier
Email: wildguy_85@yahoo.com
Website Name: Suck it!
Website: http://www.retards.com
Reference: Just Surfed On In
Location: P.O.S.
Sign time: 1999-05-25 16:42:08
(www.retards.com returns a 404, in case you're curious. Shame really.)
More guestbook fun:
From: jemiah edwards <miah37@*******.COM/>
Date: 19. May 99 4:19
I NEED YO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER TO SOME ONE THAT WAS MY
FRIEND FIRST THEN I STARTED TO REALIZE HOW IREALLY FELT ABOUT THEM
AMD TO NOTICE THAT HE IS ALMOST PERFECT THE ONLY NEGITIVE FACTOR IS
HIS AGE HES ONE YEAR YOUNGER THEN ME AND THAT MAKES IT ILLEGAL PLEAse
give advice thanks
Did you know I play basketball? I'm second from left. The blurry one.
Oceola Campus of the Valencia... school of some kind of ambiguous learning, has Jemiah Whiting -- on the maintenance staff. Dammit people, rise up! People named Jemiah should not be janitors!
Bill Clinton spoke my name at a keynote address, but instead he was talking about a baby with AIDS. Shut up: she's still alive and doing well.
Jemiah Brow, a member of the Frog Squad in middle school -- "Hard worker who is on top of things."
If Jemiah had been wearing his seatbelt while driving like a damn fool around Winter Haven, Florida, he'd still be alive. Unfortunately he'll never know how your body sags and hair grows out of your ears as you get older. He'll never experience colon biopsies or erectile dysfunction. Instead, he was "thrown into the nearby woods". Ouch.
Jemiah Feece was a contestant for Miss Indiana Teen pageant. Needless to say, she lost big time. They don't let you win if they can't figure out how to pronounce your name.
FINAL DIAGNOSIS: I may not be the only Jemiah in the world (was I ever?) but I am the one who rules.
Remember that.
thanks to jemiah aitch
